Billie Piper: Indiscriminate Public Peeing in Boston prompting Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority to try out Urine Sensors on elevators
Scarlett Johansson: Ohio House Republicans vote to put Canada on a Federal Watch List for behaving like Communists
Eva Angelina: China rewards $15,000 Cash + Certificate of Appreciation for tipoffs on Foreign Spies as Infiltration & Espionage activities by Hostile Forces have intensified
Sadie Katz: Iran assassinated Mossad Commander named “Asa Flots” (“Farting” in Hebrew) with a Kamikaze drone attack
Dixie D’Amelio: Court awards Missouri woman $5.2 million for contracting STD (HPV) from Humping a dude in a car insured by Geico Auto Insurance
Dana Vespoli: Thailand launches its campaign to give away One Million Free Cannabis Plants, but discourages getting High
Scarlett Johansson: Two gorillas at San Diego Zoo test positive for COVID-19 after being sexually assaulted by drunk woman
Verona Pooth: Utah County DA calls press conference to declare that he & his wife are NOT Ritualistic Cannibals who Murdered Children
