Kim Kardashian: Greenpeace activist rescued after getting stuck in Theodore Roosevelt’s NOSTRIL at Mount Rushmore
Jordyn Jones: Round Heads Fetish are all the rage in China, so some Chinese parents are putting their babies in pricey headgear to make their skulls rounder
Michelle Rodriguez: Toronto Blue Jays catcher Reese McGuire was caught masturbating in his car, the organist at an away game against the Braves played the opening riff to “Beat It”
Taylor Swift’s Dating horror during the Metaverse era concocted by irresponsible social media… Her date doesn’t have Facebook or Instagram
Amanda Cerny shares some Halloween toys that’s spookily Next Fucking Level including Justin Trudeau’s proprietary Face Blackening Technology
Madison Beer: Jewish speakers predicted Facebook will soon die as “Meta” means “Dead” in Hebrew… Yay, the MetaWorld will soon be a better place
Andressa Urach: Walker Police looking for owner of backpack full of drugs left in road. Have you lost or misplaced a bag with 50 grams of cocaine, 120 oxycodone tablets, etc?
Emilia Clarke: No money for proper food due to Hyperinflation, how about sampling Penis Pogo and smell Penis Plant for Halloween?
Jang Ja-yeon: Kim Jong-un tells Starving North Koreans to Eat Less until 2025 as food runs low (due to Hyperinflation caused by “Satanic” USA?)
