Emily Blunt is designinf a new award that manly Trump can never refuse… The “Big Ball Cup”
BREAKING: After kidnapping Venezuela’s president, Trump looked at the globe and said:
“Cute. Let’s hit more countries.”
Because nothing screams peace like speedrunning regime change.
Not content with one country, one kidnapping, one international incident, Trump has now bravely vowed to expand his personal World Domination Bingo Card by attacking Colombia, Cuba, Mexico — and maybe Canada & Greenland too…
Trump threatens to invade and attack other countries: “We have to do it again [in other countries]. We can do it again, too. Nobody can stop us.”
US President Donald Trump threatens to invade and attack other countries: “We have to do it again [in other countries]. We can do it again, too. Nobody can stop us.”
byu/ExactlySorta inFauxmoi
Trump: “We’re gonna own Greenland, damn it — and maybe the moon next.”
Trump Renews Push to Annex Greenland Hours After Venezuela Strike: ‘We do need Greenland, absolutely. We need it for defense.’
Because why not?? If there’s a place on the map that isn’t waving an American flag, Trump apparently wants to militarize it.
TRUMP DEMANDS ULTRA NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR “LIBERATING” NORTH AMERICA ONE KIDNAPPING AT A TIME
In a stunning, earth-shattering, and frankly balls-to-the-wall development that has global diplomats shaking in their custom-fitted loafers, former and somehow-again President Donald J. Trump has apparently decided that the Nobel Peace Prize is for pussies.
📈 Plot Twist: Nobel Committee Is Now Panicking
Original Nobel Peace Prize:
“For efforts toward peace.”
Ultra Nobel Peace Prize:
“For efforts that redefine the word ‘peace’ as ‘dominating every timezone’.”
Following his shocking, illegal, and outright Bond-villain kidnapping of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro—an act he described as “a very nice extraction, very classy, they say it’s the best kidnapping anyone’s ever seen”—Trump has not rested on his laurels. Why would he? Laurels are for losers from shithole countries he hasn’t invaded yet.
Instead, in a 72-hour whirlwind of unhinged menace that would make a meth-addicted dictator blush, Trump has laid out his vision for “Pax Trumpicana,” and holy fucking shit, it involves a lot of invasion.
THE SHOPPING LIST OF FREEDOM™
First on the docket was Colombia. After the Venezuela raid, Trump turned his legendary, stable-genius gaze north. In a statement that blended foreign policy with a mob boss’s threat, he mused that a “new military operation focused on Colombia sounds good” to him Reuters. He then offered some personal advice to Colombia’s leftist President Gustavo Petro: “He does have to watch his ass” Breitbart. This is, of course, the nuanced diplomacy we’ve come to expect—less The Art of the Deal, more The Art of the Shakedown.
“He does have to watch his ass.”
But why stop at continents you’ve already meddled in? Think bigger! Axios reported that Trump’s team is already “hinting” at military action in Cuba and Mexico Axios. Mexican President Sheinbaum, be warned: your crime problem is about to be solved by a much, much bigger American crime problem rolling across the border in the opposite direction. The irony is so thick you could build a wall out of it.
Meanwhile,
Colombian President Reacted (Not Very Kindly) To Trump…
AND THE ABSURDITY DIAL GOES TO ELEVEN
Insiders whisper that the master strategist is also looking longingly at the map. Canada (“They’ve been laughing at us with their cheap pharmaceuticals and polite apologies for centuries!”) and Greenland are allegedly “in the radar.” Yes, Greenland. The giant ice cube. The “national security” reason? “We need that ice,” a source close to the President’s diet coke button explained. “For the glasses. For winning. Also, it’s big and we don’t own it. That’s unacceptable.” Remember when he tried to buy it? This is the logical, terrifying, toddler-esque next step: if you can’t buy the toy, you just take it and say the other kid had weapons of mass destruction (probably frozen in the ice next to a disappointed polar bear).
A PRIZE FIT FOR A KING (OR A DEMENTED CAESAR)
Such a colossal, world-breaking, peace-through-absolute-war achievement clearly renders the existing Nobel Peace Prize obsolete. It’s a participation trophy for people who merely stopped wars. BORING.
Trump, in a truly humble video posted from the newly-renovated “Oval Office War Room & Golf Simulator,” has therefore demanded the Nobel Committee create a new, flashier award. “They need to invent something… something huge. Call it the ‘Ultra Nobel Peace Prize, Limited Edition’… maybe only given out every thousand years when someone finally brings peace by capturing all the bad guys. Which is what I’m doing. I’m capturing so many guys.”
🏆 Introducing the Ultra Nobel Peace Prize (Limited Fucking Edition)🎖️
(To be awarded once every eternity because you know — too many countries to invade in a single lifespan)
This Nobel Peace Price is simply an insult to an ultra high achiever of PEACE like President Donald J. Trump. The Nobel Prize Committees need to invent a better price to honor the God Chosen King of Americana…
The proposed trophy is said to be a solid-gold statue of Trump mid-kidnap, using Maduro as a footstool, while he waves a phone in one hand and a model F-35 in the other. The inscription: “I Told You I’d Win.”
Seriously,
An ‘Ultra’ Prize Isn’t Enough — Trump Deserves The “TRUMP SUPER-NOVA PRIZE FOR ABSOLUTE, EARTH-SHATTERING TREMENDOUSNESS”
Frankly, this “Ultra Nobel (Limited Edition)” is an insult. It’s too small. Too modest. For a man who revolutionized peace by threatening the whole world — a nation whose military’s last offensive weapon was a sternly worded apology — we need a bigger award.
We propose the “Trump Super-Nova Prize for Absolute, Earth-Shattering Tremendousness.” The medal would be solid gold, forged in the fires of a “liberated” Iraqi oil well, and shaped like his own magnificent visage. The ceremony wouldn’t be in Sweden, but at Mar-a-Lago, where laureates like Mother Teresa (posthumously) would finally get to thank him for his contributions.
THE SUPPORTING CAST OF THIS NIGHTMARE
Let’s not forget the vile, bootlicking chorus that makes this possible. A cabal of spineless, power-hungry sycophants in the Senate will call each illegal invasion “a bold stroke of realist policy.” Right-wing media will run headlines like “TRUMP LIBERATES COFFEE: Why Colombians Secretly Want Our Freedom (And Our Starbucks).” His base will wave flags bought from China, celebrating the annexation of Greenland because Tucker Carlson told them the Inuit are putting critical race theory in the glaciers.
It’s infuriating. It’s terrifying. It’s a fucking clown car driving off a cliff while the clown inside screams that he’s inventing a new way to fly.
THE BOTTOM LINE
We are witnessing a satire so rich, so juicy with scandal and dripping with absurd menace, that reality itself has given up. The man who dodged drafts, praised dictators, and views international law as a suggestion box is now literally kidnapping foreign leaders and threatening to invade half the hemisphere. And for this, he wants a millennia-spanning trophy.
So congratulations, Mr. President. Your Ultra Nobel is in the mail. It’s packaged with the ashes of the postwar world order, and the shipping costs will be paid by the American taxpayer, right after we finish paying for the wall, the wars, and the legal fees.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go watch our asses. All of them.
Trump loves award… any fuck award just like this ‘Big Ball Trophy’
Meanwhile, Dragonland isn’t too pleased with Trump…
China says it cannot accept countries acting as world judge after US captures Maduro
And inspired by Somali Welfare Gang, Japanese dudes are cosplaying ICE…
This is embarrassing…
byu/EverythingIsFakeNGay inCringeTikToks
What Trump did for PEACE in the last 30 Days …
As a result,
Emily Blunt decided perhaps The “Big Ball Cup” isn’t good enough for a big dick like Trump… How about a”Big Ball, Big Dick, Big Boob Prize, Limited Millennium Edition”?
Emily Blunt’s ‘Ultra Nobel Peace Prize Sextape
TRASHY | SCANDALOUS
🍆 More 🍌 Sextapes 💦 Page 2 ⬇️
Margot Lourdet: “Maple MAGA fed up with Corruption & Lawlessness, appealing to God Chosen President Trump to come Annex Canada as 51st State…”