From the start, the name Space Force sounded like a punchline. It carried echoes of juvenile name-calling and Hollywood laugh lines. Space cadet. Spaceballs. Marvin the Martian’s Q-36 explosive space modulator.
But despite the plans getting blasted by Twitter snark and inspiring a new Netflix comedy starring Steve Carell, President Donald Trump’s Space Force is serious business.
While President Trump formally reestablished the United States Space Command as a division within the Department of Defense on Aug. 29. Space Command is one of 11 unified combatant commands that oversee a certain geographical or functional area: United States European Command and Cyber Command are a few other examples of existing combatant commands.
Reviving the command is a step towards creating his Space Force as a sixth military branch. But the real beef is Trump’s obsession with pussy…
SPACE BONERS: ITâS HARDER TO GET HARD IN SPACE
Today we learned that it is very hard to have sex in space due to the lower red blood cells and most of the blood being in the upper parts of the body, hindering one’s ability to have an erection.
On July 20, 1969, astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first person to walk on the Moon. âThatâs one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,â he famously proclaimed, as more than half a billion people watched on television. For many, their minds were full of wonder and awe at manâs precarious place in a vast and inhospitable universe. But it can be assumed that at least a handful were thinking: âI wonder if you can get a boner in space?â
Well, Trump’s Space Force has started looking making space sex an Epstein thingy.
For starters, outer space hampers your heart. Per a recent NASA study: âEarly studies on astronauts found that anemia (decrease of red blood cells in the bloodstream) of individuals returning from a space flight was due to selective hemolysis (destruction of red blood cells).â
Translation, given the topic at hand: Space reduces the number of red blood cells flowing through your system, which in turn, lessens the amount of oxygen-rich blood sent to your penis.
On top of that, low-gravity affects how blood is pumped through the body. Gravity on Earth typically pulls most of your blood to the lower half of your body, but in a low-gravity environment, blood flows instead toward the chest and head. According to NASA, this explains why many astronauts appear red and puffy-faced (the sudden comparative lack of blood flowing to and from the brain when they return to Earth can also cause dizziness).
Now, back to boners. When you combine fewer red blood cells with blood thatâs redistributed toward your upper half, your ability to maintain a hard-onâââwhich is essentially a sponge pumped full of bloodâââdwindles.
Now, itâs still possible to achieve an erection in outer spaceâââitâs just that much more difficult.
Limited data also suggests that testosterone levels drop in space, which may contribute to erectile dysfunction. However, a 2011 study of both long- and short-duration space flights found little evidence to support this notion: âTotal, free and bioavailable testosterone was not changed during long-duration space flight but were decreased on landing day after these flights and after short-duration space flight,â the study concludes.
Nonetheless, itâs possible that confined living quarters, lack of physical activity, lack of sexual activity, as well as changes in diet and sleep patterns may throw off arousal levels, which would certainly impact your ability to start your day with a salute to the sun.
Now, in rare cases, fluid shiftsâââi.e., when bodily fluids move into different compartments due to changes in pressureâââmay actually result in hard-ons harder than youâve ever experienced on Earth. âA couple of times, I would wake up from sleep periods and I had a boner that I could have drilled through kryptonite,â astronaut Mike Mullane told Menâs Health.
Good to know!
All of this, however, may someday be a non-issue with the help of technology. âIf you have a rotating space stationâââby way of the centripetal force of the rotating wheelâââyou can create any fraction of gravity you want, even 1G, which would be equivalent to Earth,â celebrity scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson explained to National Geographic. âYou could be in space, and on that perimeter of 1G, and [sex] is no different than what youâd be doing here on Earth, at all.â
Of course, this is way off from becoming a reality. Although once it does, you can be sure that people will want to test DeGrasse Tysonâs theory as soon as possible. And once weâre at that point, weâre sure to see the next inevitable step: Space porn.
Itâs one small step for man, one giant boner for mankind.
While the Space Force is yet to invent any space weapon that America First can brag about… They have nonetheless created a sexy space sex garb called “2suit”.
2suit – Space Sex Suit for the Space Force
It’s a spacesuit designed for sex in space. Partners wearing the 2suit can attach themselves to each other via velcro, giving space for intimacy.
Space Force Soldiers testing the 2suit in microgravity during a parabolic flight.Â
The 2suit (alternately 2-Suit or twosuit) (abbrv. 2S) is a garment designed to facilitate intimacy in weightless environments. It has been tested in microgravity during a parabolic flight. Wikipedia
Keep America Great!
Meanwhile,
Japan Joining ‘Star Wars’ Race? Tokyo Plans to Develop Military Space Capabilities
Previously, the US expressed concern that certain countries, namely China and Russia, may have developed and deployed anti-satellite weapons. Notably, India recently officially tested one such weapon by launching it into orbit…. All out Universal War predicted since 1969!
As a tribute to the coming Imperial Japanese Space Warriors, here comes our traditional candy: –