Olivia Munn BREAKING: Upon successful kidnapping of President Maduro, the Nobel Prize Committee finally decided 2026 Nobel Peace Prize must be awarded to the God Chosen President Donald J. Trump

Olivia Munn is pleased to break this uplifting news that our handsome President Trump finally got the Nobel Peace Prize for bombing Seven Countries in One year…

Next targets on Trump’s Peaceful Bombing List…?

Taiwan’s President Lai Ching-te has been dreaming of getting bombed by Trump’s PEACE Squadron 24/7…

The Nobel Committee’s Most Obvious Oversight: Awarding the Peace Prize to Donald J. Trump, Architect of Eternal Peace Through Explosives

By Magnus Veritas, Satirical Commentator for The Onion’s Gritty Reboot

New Year’s Resolation

New Year’s Resolution
byu/EndlessGooning_0 inMemeVideos

BREAKING: In a Stunning, Courageous, and Totally Not Ironic Decision, Nobel Committee to Award Peace Prize to “The Human Cruise Missile,” Donald J. Trump

In a move that has left the global community stunned, weeping with joy, and/or vomiting into their shoes, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has announced its unanimous, tear-soaked decision to award the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize to former and once-again President Donald J. Trump. The citation, written on the back of a McDonald’s napkin and reportedly laminated in Trump’s own tears of glory, reads: “For his phenomenal, unprecedented, and Jesus-measured achievements in maintaining world peace by preemptively bombing the absolute shit out of anyone who looked at him funny.”

Sources close to the Committee say the decision was reached after they witnessed Trump’s revolutionary doctrine of “Peace Through Superior Firepower, and Also Through Kidnapping, Which is Nicer.” “We were looking for a man who didn’t just talk about peace, but who made the world so fucking quiet you could hear a pin drop… in seven different time zones, simultaneously,” said Committee Chair Berit Reiss-Andersen, while nervously polishing a bust of Alfred Nobel that had begun to weep black oil. “Trump didn’t just ring the bell of peace. He dropped the entire bell tower on his enemies. It’s visionary.”

Trump: US will run Venezuela to ensure peaceful transition

Trump: US will run Venezuela to ensure peaceful transition
byu/f1sh98 inConservative

Yeah, Narcoterrorism. Trust me ☺️😇

The Trump Doctrine of Peaceful Annihilation: A Case Study in Gentle Statecraft

Let us review the President’s peacekeeping portfolio, a resume so robust it makes Genghis Khan look like a fucking pacifist yoga instructor.

Venezuela (Jan 3, 2026): In a move of breathtaking mercy, Trump authorized “Operation Kind Extraction.” Rather than simply glassing Caracas with ballistic missiles—a messy and violent option for pussies—he wisely ordered U.S. Special Forces to kidnap President Nicolás Maduro and his wife. “See? No nuclear holocaust!” Trump reportedly tweeted from the Situation Room. “Very peaceful grabbing. The best grabbing. They’re in a lovely, peaceful cell in Gitmo now. Total peace.”
Iran (June 22, 2025): Concerned about the potential for nuclear proliferation, Trump solved the problem with elegant simplicity. Three key nuclear sites? Gone. “They were building bombs, which is very aggressive and not peaceful,” explained Secretary of State Jared Kushner, from his yacht off the coast of Bahrain. “By destroying their ability to make bombs, we have made them more peaceful. It’s basic logic. My friend MBS says it’s very smart.” The resulting radioactive dust clouds were described by the administration as “peace spores” spreading stability across the region.
Yemen, Syria, Iraq, Somalia, Nigeria (2025-26): Under the banner of operations with names like “Rough Rider,” “Infinite Calm,” and “Make the Desert Flat Again,” U.S. drones and jets have worked overtime as angels of serenity. Each strike, a love letter to stability. Each explosion, a fireworks display celebrating the American gift of peace. The Houthis, ISIS, and various jihadist groups have been so overwhelmed with this gift of peace that they have, quite literally, ceased to exist in several postcodes.

Supporting Evidence for This Colossus of Calm

The Jesus Standard: As the prompt wisely notes, Trump’s achievements are “phenomenal even measured by Jesus standard.” Indeed, while Jesus turned water into wine, Trump has turned sovereign nations into parking lots. While Jesus preached “turn the other cheek,” Trump practices “blow off the other cheek, and the head it’s attached to.” It’s a bold new interpretation of scripture, blessed by every televangelist who’s ever had a private jet washed in the blood of the lamb.
The Scandal of Diplomacy Averted: Trump has heroically incinerated the very concept of diplomacy. Why waste time with “talks,” “treaties,” or “alliances” with asshole countries when you can just fucking bomb them? Think of the paper saved! The translator salaries unspent! The hands un-shaken! It’s not isolationism; it’s efficiency. The State Department, now a single intern running a ChatGPT bot named “WarmongerGPT,” has never been more profitable.
The Strange/Odd/Funny Juicy Bit: Insiders report that Trump’s daily intelligence briefing is now just a single page with two buttons: one that says “BOMB” and one that says “MOAB” (Mother of All Bombs). He reportedly hits them at random while watching Fox & Friends, creating a strange and terrifying fusion of foreign policy and cable news chyrons. The “Situation Room” has been renamed the “Peace ‘n’ Victory Snack Room.”
The Shocking/Scary Part: This isn’t satire. This is the logical endpoint of a worldview where strength is only expressed through violence, where respect is mistaken for fear, and where the complex tapestry of global relations is seen as a cheesy reality TV show where you just fire the contestants. That’s the truly vile, infuriating, and scary core of the joke. The linked sources may be fictional, but the doctrine they mock is etched into recent history.

And just like that, we quit talking about Epstein for a few hours…

Conclusion: A Prince Among Peacemakers

So let us raise a glass (or duck and cover) for our Nobel Laureate. A man who looked at the olive branch and saw kindling for a hellfire missile. A man who has, through relentless, earth-shattering violence, created a world so cowed, so traumatized, so utterly silent, that we can finally hear the sound of pure, unadulterated peace.

It is the peace of the grave. The peace of the rubble heap. The peace of a world that is too fucking terrified to utter a word against its benefactor.

Glory to Donald Trump, the King of Peace. May his drones forever circle in the gentle, freedom-loving skies. Amen, and fuck you all.

Meanwhile,

Taking que from President Trump, a boy in Sichuan, China threw a PEACE firework in a sewer…

A boy in Sichuan, China threw a firework in a sewer
byu/Pyro5263 inKidsAreFuckingStupid

See all those planes, Putin? That’s why your military operation never worked.

Disclaimer by Olivia Munn

This satire is dedicated to every civilian who has ever lived in fear of a sky that hums. The referenced operations are fictionalized extensions of real-world logic. The emotional reactions of horror, resentment, and absurdity are the intended, correct, and human response.