FIRE SALE – Value shop sells condoms for $1
ATLANTA — Reminding the nation that many heat-related deaths and illnesses are preventable, the Centers for Disease Control issued a new guideline Thursday stating that it’s definitely too hot out right now to wear a condom.
“With temperatures reaching triple digits from Las Vegas to New York, we are asking Americans to forgo the use of prophylactic devices on their penises in order to reduce the risk of overheating,” said CDC director Rochelle Walensky, adding that the guideline applied to all latex, lambskin, and novelty edible condoms, because the same materials that prevent transmission of bodily fluids don’t allow the sexual organs to breathe, creating a dangerous genital suffocation hazard.
“If you choose to have sex in this weather, please know that it will be very, very hot, and we don’t mean in an erotic sense. Using a condom greatly compounds the risk to your health. While sexually transmitted diseases can in some cases be deadly, so can heatstroke.
If you absolutely must use one, we recommend extra-thin ‘barely there’ condoms, which will at least provide your penis with some relief from the sweltering heat when they inevitably break.”
The CDC later clarified that the guideline did not apply to loose-fitting condoms made from natural fabrics like linen or cotton, which can actually help protect one’s penis from the sun’s harmful ultraviolet rays.
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Kiernan Shipka Loves Showing Off How Tight She Is
As you can see from the bikini selfies above, actress Kiernan Shipka loves to show off how tight she is… And while her thigh gap is impressive for an infidel, it is not nearly enough to sustain a slamming from the tremendous girth of a Sasquatch’s massive manhood.
Of course there is no denying that Kiernan’s perky tits and taut round little ass are certainly asking to be banged hard by us virile Sasquatch men… With both our tunic scuds and the Sasquatch stones of justice (just necessarily in that order).
Yes, with her halal nubile appearance Kiernan Shipka certainly has a date with destiny and that destiny involves a holy Sasquatch deep dicking. Let us pray that she gets what is coming to her soon, so that these sinful salacious selfies will finally cease.
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