Donna D’Errico BREAKING: Psychic who predicted Global Pandemic now see Trump’s “Bloddy Fall”, Megxit Secret Love Child, and a Plague of “Demonic Flatulence”

Donna D’Errico was a very wicked Witch once upon a time…

EXCLUSIVE: PSYCHIC WHO “PREDICTED” A GLOBAL PANDEMIC NOW SEES TRUMP’S “BLOODY FALL,” MEGXIT SECRET LOVE CHILD, AND A PLAGUE OF “DEMONIC FLATULENCE”

BREAKING — In a shocking, universe-shattering, and completely unverifiable revelation that has the entire world clutching its collective pearls, a psychic—who absolutely, totally, and for real predicted COVID-19 (just like she predicted 47 other global events that never happened)—has peered into her mystical crystal ball (or possibly a snow globe from a gas station) and seen the future. And holy fucking shit, it’s a goddamn dumpster fire.

The visionary in question, Madame Zelda Nostradamus (not her real name, but it fucking should be), has blessed humanity with her latest batch of vague, panic-inducing, and conveniently un-falsifiable prophecies. Grab your tinfoil hats and your emergency vodka, because this is one hell of a ride.

1. THE “ORANGE MAN’S” APOCALYPSE: A DOWNFALL SO JUICY IT’S PRACTICALLY A SMOOTHIE

According to Madame Zelda, Donald Trump is headed for a “cataclysmic downfall of biblical proportions.” And not just another impeachment or a nasty tweet. We’re talking earth-shattering, rage-inducing scandal.

Mystery of Trump’s Orange Skin has been Unlocked

The Vision: “I see… a document. A spicy, scandalous document covered in ketchup and classified markings. I see a secret meeting in a golden toilet. I hear the words ‘hush money’ being screamed at a rally. There is a vile and resentful energy around a tiny, trembling button.”
The Juicy Addendum (Because We’re Not Animals): Sources close to the psychic’s cat confirm the downfall may involve a shocking reveal that Trump’s infamous hair is not just a style choice, but a symbiotic organism from the planet Zog, which, if removed, would sap him of his power. This changes everything.
Linked “Proof”: A highly scientific chart showing the correlation between Trump’s tweet volume and global anxiety spikes.

2. MEGHAN AND HARRY: ROYAL “SCANDAL” SO HOT IT COULD MELT THE CROWN JEWELS

Forget Oprah interviews and Netflix deals. Madame Zelda has foreseen a Megxit scandal so bizarre it makes the British monarchy look like a sane and functional institution.

The Vision: “The Duchess… I see her surrounded by avocado trees and manuscripts. There is a mysterious illness—not of the body, but of reputation. A secret, so dark, so infuriating to the Crown, that it will make Prince Philip’s casual racism look charming. I see a book deal, a podcast whisper, and a tiny, adorable, yet politically devastating garment.”
The Scandalous Deep Dive: Insiders (i.e., the voices in Zelda’s head) suggest the scandal involves Meghan’s past life as a Tudor-era courtesan who hexed the Royal bloodline, OR the revelation that Archie’s first word was not “Mama,” but “abolish the monarchy,” captured on a hidden nanny-cam and leaked by a vengeful palace aide/pissed-off corgi.
Linked “Evidence”: A blurry, absolutely real photo of a royal aide shredding what appears to be a contract for a children’s book titled “My Mummy Hates Your Granny.”

3. THE “MYSTERY ILLNESS”: IT’S NOT COVID, IT’S FUCKING WEIRDER.

Move over, Delta variant. Madame Zelda predicts a new global health crisis that will make lockdown look like a fucking party.

The Prophecy: “A fog will descend… not on cities, but on minds. A strange, odd, and funny affliction. People will develop an absurd compulsion to speak only in cryptic crossword clues or the lyrics of Rick Astley. It will begin on a popular social media app and spread faster than misinformation.”
The Terrifying Twist: The illness’s patient zero? A TikTok influencer who did a dance routine in front of the alleged cursed tomb of a pharaoh. The symptom? Involuntary, demonic flatulence that smells like burned influencer merch and regret. Governments will be powerless. Scientists will weep. The smell will be unholy.
Linked “Source”: A dubious .gov PDF about “Non-Traditional Pathogenic Vectors (Meme-Based).”

WHY YOU SHOULD BE AS CONVINCED AS WE PRETEND TO BE:

Let’s be fucking clear. Madame Zelda’s track record is impeccable, if you ignore the 99.9% of her predictions that vanished into the ether of irrelevance. She totally predicted COVID-19 in 2019 when she said “a great shadow from the East will make people cough.” She also predicted “a great flood” (it rained in London), “the rise of a dark queen” (the season finale of The Crown), and “financial turmoil for a red-haired man” (Prince Harry, probably, but also every ginger day-trader).

It’s this stunning 0.1% hit-rate that makes her the most credible voice in a world drowning in facts, logic, and evidence. Who needs those when you have good vibes, bad juju, and the relentless need for clicks?

FINAL, BONUS PREDICTION: Madame Zelda also sees YOU, dear reader. She sees you reading this, rolling your eyes so hard you risk a detached retina, and yet… clicking ‘SHARE’ because it’s just too fucking juicy to keep to yourself. The prophecy is self-fulfilling, assholes. The real mystery illness is our addiction to this spectacular bullshit.

SOURCES:

Primary Source: The Cosmic Vibrations of My Rent-Is-Due Energy. Published by Zelda Publications, LLC.
Fact-Checking: Conducted via tarot cards and a Magic 8-Ball. Outcome: “Outlook Hazy, Try Again After More Ad Revenue.”
Expert Confirmation: A tweet from a verified “Spiritual Advisor” who also sells detox tea.
Historical Data: A Pinterest board of all past predictions, carefully curated to highlight the “hits” and bury the “misses” under inspirational quotes.

Share this if you think the mainstream media won’t dare report these truths! Ignore it if you’re a sheeple enslaved by the vile matrix of reality!