Chloe Grace Moretz: Convicted Parker Kohl’s Thieves argued for Lesser Charge because items were on SALES!

Chloe Grace Moretz: Makes Sense…

PARKER, Colo. — Two men convicted of felony theft for stealing more than $2,000 worth of merchandise from a Parker Kohl’s store argued in court for a lesser charge because the items were on sale and they had coupons, according to the 18th Judicial District.

Michael Green, 50, and Byron Bolden, 37, were formally sentenced this month after being convicted of retail theft at the Kohl’s store this year, according to a Tuesday news release from the judicial district.

The two men were dubbed “KitchenAid Mixer Crew” because of the high-end KitchenAid appliances — in addition to brand name shoes and clothing — that were stolen in the case.

At trial, defense attorneys suggested to a jury that their clients should only face a lesser misdemeanor charge because some of the items they stole were being offered “on sale.”

In Colorado, theft under $2,000 is a misdemeanor offense. But the documented value of the items stolen was $2,094.98, making it a felony.

The two men were asking the jury to take into account Kohl’s coupons and discounts which would bring the theft case down to a misdemeanor. However, prosecutors argued that sales and discounts are for paying customers.

“Just because an item is ‘on sale’ doesn’t mean it’s free to steal, and these defendants now get to think about this lesson in jail and prison,” District Attorney John Kellner said in the news release. “Retailers in our community are fed up with theft and my office will actively prosecute these offenders.”

Green was sentenced to 15 months in prison. Bolden was sentenced to 90 days in jail with credit for time served as a condition of 18 months of probation.

Chloe Grace Moretz: Me too demanding massive discounts because perverts have been staring at my bare boobies…

Chloe Grace Moretz Nude Promotional Stills From New Film Released

Actress Chloe Grace Moretz appears to make her triumphant return to the big screen in the nude promotional stills below from her new film tentatively titled “Lady E and the Big D” in which she portrays renowned 19th century English novelist Lady Elenore Dickinbox of Cotswold.

Of course for anyone familiar with English literature the amount of gratuitous nudity in this film certainly comes as no surprise. For Lady Elenore was known for being quite the spirited wench, and she would often draw on her real life sexual experiences for her classic stories like “Pride and Penises”, “Jane Derriere”, and “Whoring Heights”.

Unfortunately for Chloe, while Lady Elenore’s degeneracy may have been a hit with the deeply depraved high society of her day, times in the future caliphate of Britainstan have changed… And so Chloe will no doubt soon get a crash course on the only book that matters… The Holy Qur’an… Specifically the Sharia Law section on how to deal with salacious sluts.