Josie Canseco: Smallest Dick in Brooklyn Pageant celebrates Micro Dongs

On June 13th, hundreds of New Yorkers packed out Brooklyn’s Kings County Saloon to celebrate the little things at the 3rd Annual Smallest Penis Pageant. The festival was inspired by a man with a small penis, who showed his founder and partner at the saloon Aimee Arciuolo “an amazing time” one night. According to Time Out New York, she joked that someone should throw him a pageant. Well, they decided to do it in earnest: Not just to celebrate his prowess, but to show some love to tiny dicks from all over.

2015 BROOKLYN’S SMALLEST PENIS PAGEANT WINNER

Smallest Penis In Brooklyn Contest Celebrates Micro Dongs

Over 100 tiny penis lovers packed into King’s County Bar in Bushwick yesterday afternoon for the third annual Smallest Penis In Brooklyn pageant, a celebration of, well, the title says it all.
There were considerably more women than men in the crowd for the three hour event, with many small groups of women batched together. MC Chicken Bitches welcomed people by reminding them that this event was a celebration of all sizes (but mostly teeny tiny sizes): “If you came here to make fun, you better get the fuck out,” she said, adding that the bar hosts the event to “celebrate what you’ve got,” even if what you’ve got could generously be described as “flyspeck.”
Thankfully, the crowd was there to appreciate, not mock, the contestants (that included the band Afterbirth Monkey, a music-comedy duo who performed a song about tiny dicks, and also flashed the crowd for good measure). This year there were five brave men who stepped up to the plate: an older gentleman named “Rip Van Dinkle” (who perviously competed in the event two years ago), “Chino Loco,” “The Gentleman,” “Cromwell,” and the winner, “Puzzlemaster.” This year’s event was space/Star Wars-themed, so Puzzlemaster was awarded a victory lightsaber (DJ Syntax got into the theme of the day by dancing robotically).
Puzzlemaster competed in last year’s competition (though he lost), memorably reenacting Buffalo Bill’s “Would You Fuck Me? I’d Fuck Me” scene from Silence of the Lambs before dropping trou and treating the crowd to a view of his tucked-away junk. This year, he was given $500 in cash for his victory—when asked what he was going to do with the money, he told us that he has a baby on the way, so it’ll go towards costs for the little guy.
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