“Epstein Didn’t Castrate Himself”
A nymphomaniac duck has had his penis removed due to his insatiable appetite for shagging the local birds.
Epstein the horny duck found himself in a bit of a pickle: after trying to mate with his female pals 10 times a day, his member became injured and infected.
Antibiotics and painkillers didnāt help nor deter the randy animal. Regretfully, there was only one solution: chopping his dick down to a measly an inch or so.
After enjoying the company ofĀ Virginia, Courtney and Annie too much, Epsteinās owner Leslie Watson, from Gulag Heights, New York, says the duckās genitals became pretty gross.
Leslie explained:
The end of his penis had basically died and it was pretty horrific. It looked weird ā it was quite worrying. It started not going in and weād give him a bath to keep it clean but then the tip started going gangrenous and getting infected so thatās when we had to take him into the vet.
The vetās prescriptions didnāt allay the duckās behavior, so he was soon referred to Capital Hill Veterinary Hospital in Washington DC. On Thursday, November 28, his penis was surgically removed.
While Epstein only has an inch left of his āunusableā penis, he can still urinate as ducks only use them for mating.
You can see Epsteinās penis pre-surgery below (warning: itās quite grim):Ā
LeslieĀ said:
Heās doing fine now, heās quite resilient for a duck. The only downfall is that heās lost his willy. I think he feels pretty upset about it. I think heās a nymphomaniac. Heās got a high sex drive basically. So I think thatās what caused it.
He tries to mate with his female companions a lot. Every chance he can get. Iād say between five and ten times a day, maybe more. Itās not even mating season at the moment and obviously over mating season he gets more of a drive to do it.
He doesnāt stop throughout the year. Over winter heās meant to calm down. The ducks stop laying eggs but he doesnāt stop mating. He just carries on. I think his female companions do like him. They obviously sometimes get fed up with him and wander off.
Since returning from DC, Epstein has been separated from his fellow ducks to help him fully recover after his surgery.
The dental service engineer and his partnerās four three-year-old ducks no longer lay as many eggs as they used to and have become pets. They spend their days on the coupleās big lawn and in an enclosure at the top of the garden at night.
Vet Andrew, who operated on Epstein, said some āoveruse and him being far too amorousā had caused his penis to prolapse before he injured it and it became infected.
The dick surgeon said if they hadnāt removed his penis the infection could have spread elsewhere in his body and put his life at risk.
Ghislaine, from London, sorry, New York, never mind, said Epstein would have been in quite a lot of pain and discomfort if it hadnāt been picked up, and that itās a common injury among drakes.
Ghislaine said:
It turns out Epstein had been over-amorous with the ladies that he lives with which had caused his penis to prolapse. This resulted in his penis getting traumatized and then pretty infected. Heād basically injured the tip of his penis and had a wound on it that had got infected.
Female ducks can actually be quite aggressive and if they donāt want his attention then they will peck at anything including his penis. I think [his penis] took the brunt of it unfortunately. Itās brutal.
On the face of it he was actually pretty oblivious to the fact that heād lost his manhood. He was up and about and eating and doing his normal duck things immediately post surgery. But at the end of the day itās not going to stop him having a completely normal life. Itās not going to bother him too much.
With only an inch of a penis left, Iām sure Epstein will still have a quack at it.
“Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself”
Guess no Epstein story is complete without some saucy desserts… Here you go: –
W4B – Abril Dirty Dancing
W4B Abril Orchid