Was Donald Trump a Cuckold?
Did Marla Maples Cheat on Donald Trump with Michael Bolton?
Maybe.
So remember whenĀ Godās chosen vesselĀ Donald Trump had anĀ affair with Marla MaplesĀ and eventually married her after divorcing his first wife Ivana Trump? Fun fact: Marla had a history of allegedly stepping out on AmericaāsĀ all time favorite duly elected president, which is particularly ironic when you remember that ācuckā was Trumpersā insult of choice for anyone who didnāt recognize the white power of a rapey sack of potatoes.
According to a recently released trove ofĀ FBI documents on the Trump OrganizationĀ that are anti-climactic as hell thanks to aĀ comical amount of redactions, Maples allegedlyĀ cheated on Trump with Michael BoltonĀ barely a year after they were married.
Screencap via theĀ FBI Vault:
Whatās incredible about this news is that my mom loves Donald Trump AND Michael Bolton, so this information will be a fun one to square. I know I talk about my batshit evangelical upbringing a lot, but my mom had celebrity crushes like everyone else. Along with Bolton, that list included Adrian Paul (which she was extremely vocal about anytime my brother and I watchedĀ Highlander: The Series), Pierce Brosnan, and earlyĀ Star Trek: The Next GenerationĀ Patrick Stewart.
Anyway, if youāre not familiar with the second marriage of the evangelical president of choice, it ended shortly after the Palm Beach police found MaplesĀ under a lifeguard chair with Trumpās bodyguard. Turns out the real cuck was the racist bullfrog America elected along the way.
In the meantime, please enjoy this earworm whose hook Iāll catch myself singing no less than five times a day even though this song isā¦Ā *checks notes*ā¦ eight years old?! JESUS. And now that Iām thinking about it, I bet this has to do with all of those times my mom blasted āHow Can We Be Loversā while vacuuming. Does therapy hurt?
Long Live Donald Trump & All His Soys, Cucks, Faggots.
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