Speaking from experience?
These are the 5 most dangerous sex positions for breaking your penis
Elizabeth Berkley: Let me kick your dick off (with my super juicy kungfu kick)?
The mere thought of breaking your penis is enough to turn any man’s pork sword into a deflated balloon instantly.
A cracking noise, agony – and swift surgery to prevent the possibility of a lifetime of impotence.
But which positions are actually worst for snapping your urethra?
A Brazilian study this year said that porno-film favourite ‘cowgirl’ was worst, due to the lady being in control of her weight, and the angle at which the penis entered the body.
But the intrepid sexologists at Vice asked sexologist Dr Kat Van Kirk about which positions are actually most likely to lead to the dreaded ‘snap’ – and came up with some surprising answers.
Breasts are actually quite dangerous to your penis, surprisingly.
Dr Van Kirk says, ‘I’ve seen a few penile fractures, not just with the pelvic bone, but when guys are in the process of trying to give a pearl necklace
Halle Berry: “Slide your dick here … Guaranteed to break?”
Video: Halle Berry Sexscene in Monsters Balls
The Brazilian study found that penetration from behind was the second most dangerous position for penile breakages.
You’re also at risk of accidentally shoving your dong up your partner’s bum, Dr Van Kirk warns.
‘I’ll often see from rear-entry positions guys going to penetrate the vagina and fairly often the penis will accidentally go into the anus,,’ says Dr Van Kirk.
‘And because there wasn’t any preparation, there can be anal tears and things like that.’
Woman on top/Cowgirl
This is the most dangerous position to your wang.
Dr Van Kirk says, ‘This issue is basically the woman’s pubic boneIt’s slightly differently positioned in each woman.
‘At times there’s not enough lubrication when the woman goes to sit on the penis if there’s enough force or friction or the penis catches on the pubic bone, that’s when that bend will occur in that ligament. That is more common than people think.
Kim Kardashian The Kowgirl
This one (where the woman is backwards on top of the man, and often to be seen in Dutch art films), is even more dangerous to your wang, Dr Van Kirk says.
Kelly LeBrock – Woman in RED 1984
Some of the men in the Brazilian study claimed that their penises had got into trouble while being – ahem – manhandled by their partner.
They declined to provide further details . But you can ask Lili Simmons …