Marie Gillain
Ellen ScottÂ
27 things straight men need to hurry up and learn about having sex
No really. This stuff is important.
Listen up, straight men. Thereâs some stuff you need to know.
Now, before we get into this, let me just say this. This is not a list of things that zero men know about, or a list of the wrongdoings all men commit.
Upskirt
This is a list of things that quite a few men do not know about having sex with women. And theyâre things that they absolutely should know.
So if you do know all of them, hold off on the NOT ALL MEN comments and just give yourself a pat on the back. Maybe forward it on to your male friends who you secretly suspect are a bit rubbish in bed.
Because I am one woman, and I am so fucking fed up of having sex with men who do not know all of these things. Sort it out.
Thought I’d share this with you đ
What do you think? đ
1. Anal play isnât âgayâ
Because a bumhole cannot have a sexual orientation. Mind-blowing, I know. In fact, no body part has a sexual orientation. People do.
So if youâre only attracted to women and only want to have sex with women, but your anal area enjoys touching, licking, or penetration, it doesnât seem like youâre gay.
Stop with the fear, try something if it appeals to you, and stop freaking out if a girl lightly touches that area and you think you might like it.
2. Stop shoving womenâs heads down when you want a blow job
Unless theyâve expressly said that itâs a massive turn-on when you do it.
And I do mean expressly, in the exact words âI absolutely love it when you shove my head down to urge me to give you headâ. Make sure she wasnât being sarcastic.
If she hasnât sincerely said those words, sheâll probably think youâre being rude. So stop it. Itâs annoying.
Such a pretty smile.
3. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes
And being rude about how a particular vagina looks just makes it seem like you havenât seen many. Yes, this one goes out to the absolute knob of an ex-boyfriend who made up a song to make fun of another womanâs âflapsâ. You are a garbage person.
4. You canât have sex with zero buildup
THATâS NOT HOW VAGINAS WORK.
So kissable.
Just because youâre ready to go doesnât mean your partner is. You might want to check. And if sheâs not wet and extremely eager, youâll need to do some actual buildup.
5. And on that note: Spending more time on foreplay will never be a bad idea
I donât particularly like the term âforeplayâ because I think all the buildup should just be considered as âsexâ, so you know that you canât do the penetration bit without all the touching, kissing, and oral stuff.
But foreplay is the word we have. So do it, in a non-rushed, actually enjoying it way. Foreplay is fun. It feels good and it means weâre more likely to have an orgasm.
6. If you think that women on their periods are âgrossâ or âunsexualâ, you have a serious problem with womenâs bodies
You canât claim to be massively turned on my womenâs bodies if you find them absolutely revolting for one week every month.
It doesnât make sense, itâs offensive, and you need to get over being squeamish about a natural bodily function.
Katrina JadeÂ
view this at gfycat.com
7. Queefs/fanny farts happen
Donât make dumb jokes about them. Laugh it off if sheâs laughing too. But then continue with the amazing sex youâre having.
Itâs really not a big deal. Itâs just air thatâs been trapped during all the in-and-out action.
8. If you condom-free sex, your cum will leak out of her vagina
Seems obvious, but some men appear to think that this only happens if a vagina is âlooseâ.
Nope. Itâs simple gravity. Itâs going to drip out. Be a love and offer us something to clean it up with, yeah?
Skirt up in parking lot. Pms welcome.Â
view this image at imgur.com
9. Us not having an orgasm doesnât mean the sex was bad or that youâve failed
Orgasms will not happen every time, because women are not machines with an orgasm button you can push every time.
If weâre telling you weâve enjoyed it, believe us. All the non-orgasm moments of sex can feel pretty incredible too.
10. But if weâre consistently not cumming, you need to ask us what we like
For godâs sake, stop miserably saying âyou didnât finish this timeâ and start asking âhow can I make you cum next time?â and âwhat do you like?â
If she doesnât have an answer, try different things out. Itâs not in any way fair for you to have an orgasm every time while she has none.
11. Just because youâre finished doesnât mean sex is done
If sheâs still turned on, itâs time to make sure sheâs as satisfied as you are. By which I mean GO DOWN ON HER, FFS.
Checking the car
12. You really canât tell how many men a woman has slept with by the way their vagina feels
Vaginas stretch and then return to their normal shape. Stop saying ridiculous things about a woman being a âslutâ (in fact, stop using the word âslutâ at all) because her vagina feels looser than youâre used to. You sound like an absolute idiot.
13. Weâre not always going to be perfectly smooth and hair-free
And expecting us to be is ridiculous.
Orange DressÂ
14. When youâre asking us to go down on you, be mindful of when you last showered
No one wants to put their face near a penis that smells bad. Fact.
15. Just because we liked something once doesnât mean you need to do it every time in the exact same way
Itâs very distracting to realise that someone is sticking to a well-timed formula or doing a move theyâve read in a magazine. Relax a bit. Respond to what weâre doing and saying in the moment.
16. Sex with a massive penis isnât necessarily better
In fact, it can hurt. A lot.
Stop wasting your time worrying about the size of your dick and questioning whether your sex buddy wishes you were bigger. If sheâs having sex with you, sheâs probably perfectly okay with what you have.
17. Donât ask the woman youâre sleeping with to compare your penis to her previous partners
Donât ask for any size commentary at all, actually. If she feels like complimenting your peen, she will.
Wooden ChairÂ
Constantly asking her if youâre bigger than her ex makes you sound deeply insecure.
18. Jackhammer sex feels good for very, very few women
Slamming into my cervix might feel great for you, but itâs making me wince. Quit it.
Here in my car AICÂ
19. The clit is really important
Women are much, much more likely to have clitoral orgasms than G-spot ones (thereâs even debate over whether the G-spot exists).
What does this mean? That penetrative sex with no clitoral stimulation just isnât going to cut it.
You need to be doing something to the clit to have a chance of getting us to climax, whether thatâs positioning yourself so that youâre rubbing against each other while youâre penetrating, or just reaching down and getting your hand involved.
20. Itâs not a dig at you if we reach down and use our hands or vibrator to finish ourselves off
Youâre doing great and weâre turned on, weâre just trying to get ourselves off. Bonus points if you offer to do it for us, though.
21. That move your ex loved might not work for us
Because weâre all different. âKay?
Sushii XhyvetteÂ
22. UTIs HURT
So be hygienic and remind us to get up and pee afterwards.
23. Just because it looks good in porn doesnât mean itâs actually enjoyable in real-life
Lily Allen
In case you somehow missed this glaringly obvious fact, a lot of the stuff they do in porn is done specifically because itâs visually satisfying, not because it feels absolutely incredible for the actresses involved.
that’s not how this works
24. There needs to be some balance between how often youâre going down and how often she is
Studies have shown that young women are giving more than their receiving. That needs to change.
Bright
25. Donât assume stuff about a woman because of her sexual preferences
Enjoying rough sex doesnât mean a woman has daddy issues. Wanting to be submissive in bed doesnât mean sheâs weak-willed in other areas.
26. If we say âdonât stopâ, DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOUâRE DOING
Youâve managed to stumble upon something that is working very, very well for us in that particular moment. Continue. Do not stop, or get overexcited and go harder or faster. Keep going exactly as you were.
27. You are never, ever entitled to sex
Ever.
Maude Hirst