7 creative ways to squeeze in more sex during the holidays
Find time to love each other this holiday season.
Rachel Weisz
Itâs a challenge because holidays are stressful, and there are all these demands on you
Itâs a challenge because holidays are stressful, and there are all these demands on you,â says Mark Michaels who, with his partner Patricia Johnson, wrote a book on the complicated art of sex and mating, Designer Relationships.âIf you wait for the mood to hit, you can wait and wait and wait,â Johnson says of this most magical time of the year. âYouâre talking about high-pressure situations.â
Annie Morton
The good news? You have statistics on your side. Condom sales are reported to double in the week before Christmas, and there’s a reason the most common birthday of all time is actually Sept. 16. Thatâs because all those babies are being made right now, around the holidays.
Meaning: Sex is possible, as long as you don’t forget about it in the chaos of all that tinsel and turkey.
Short of stuffing your sweetieâs stocking full of lube, try these tips for making sure your sex life doesnât suffer this holiday season.
1. Afternoon delight, itâs not just an Arrested Development reference anymore.
Many couples find that squeezing in an hour to make love can be as simple as skipping lunch at the office to meet each other midday for some tomfoolery. No fat bonus check this season? Who cares?
âEven if you can only manage a foot massage, it can really carry you through the stress of the holidays,” Johnson says.
Victoria Winters
2. Know what never seems to get the respect it deserves? “The quickie.”
Itâs important to let go of the idea that sex needs to be some epic all-nighter rivaling a romance novel with Fabio on the cover, say Michaels and Johnson. Quick and dirty is sometimes the hottest sex of all.
âWe had a client recently who was so grateful that we reintroduced the value of the quickie,â Johnson says. âSometimes people get caught up in the idea of, âThis is the man I love. Iâm spending my life with him. I need to build up slowly. I need to be totally romantic.â Sometimes itâs great to let loose and blow off steam.â
Especially during the holiday season when a “longie” simply isnât possible.
âIf you have the right attitude you can be transported in a matter of minutes with your beloved,” Johnson says.
3. Drinking games arenât necessary â not when youâve got reindeer games.
…or mistletoe mischief or Santa sillies or whatever you want to call it. Hereâs a tip: Make up your own holiday-centered inside jokes with your significant other.
Look at the stress of the holidays as being almost like a foe to defeat in a video game. The monsters can zap you â or you can successfully find ways to beat them with cheats and boosters and secret moves.
Instead of taking a shot every time Aunt Bertha complains, try employing a sensual leg rub or footsie under the table. Michaels suggests singing “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” as your partner performs oral sex on you.
âInside jokes are always very powerful,” agrees Johnson. “Even if you canât touch, eye-gazing from across the room can set the mood for later on.â
4. Sex isnât spontaneous, no matter what the movies tell you. Make an R-rated play date.
For some, the solution lies in setting the alarm 20 minutes ahead of schedule â or jumping in the shower to turn a necessary cleaning into something a little dirtier. For others, it means a mischievous calendar invite, like âFun time, no stress, yay!â
Couples need to let go of the idea that the only good sex that happens is when itâs spontaneous and on the fly.
âDecide the day before or that morning,â Michaels says. âEven if itâs only 10 minutes, that can be important.â
Why? âBecause after the in-laws youâre not going to feel so sexy,â explains Johnson.
5. Fighting right before your date night doesnât have to mean flaccidity. Take a bath. Decompress. Try again.
Wouldnât it be nice if there was a reset button on holiday stress-induced tension and conflict? Since there isnât, the best way to desire (especially when youâve just had the argument to end all arguments about where to place the menorah) is to employ some kind of a mood palette cleanser.
âWe donât desire sex unless our bodies are aroused,â says Johnson. âSo our ritual is to take a bath together.â
âThis creates a very brief transition where, even if weâre not in the mood, we find that we get turned on,â Michaels says. âAnd once you get turned on, it doesnât really matter if youâre in the mood.â
6. Regression can be hot. Really.
Thereâs nothing more bizarre than knowing that your in-laws who just berated you for not giving them grandchildren are potentially outside in the hallway when youâre trying to make love.
All the trappings of childhood are there still on the walls, stuffed animals are everywhere, the prom dress is hanging on the back of the door â and itâs just plain weird.
Well, then work with what youâve got.
âOne idea is to make it like a fantasy,â Michaels says. âThink of it like youâre back in high school and you have to be quiet.â Or for the exhibitionists out there, the excitement of potentially getting caught could be tantalizing.
But practically, Johnson says, âMost doors have locks, so we highly advise you use them.â
Elsa Hosk flashing a little more than I would have expected
7. Holidays are for giving, so give the gift of erotic triggers.
Now is really the time for really knowing what your partner likes, what gets them off and why.
Truly close couples know the phrases, scenarios, moves and light touches that can instantly transport a lover into their sexual happy place.
Donât wait until the holidays to figure it out. Watch porn, read erotica, ask each other what you think about a new sexual taboo everyone seems to be talking about lately â and make it a shame-free zone.
Knowing each otherâs positive triggers during times of stress (or when youâve only got a few minutes between shopping sprees) can be the difference between a bomb in the bedroom or actually being the bomb.
âCouples that do this feel more connected,â Johnson says.
âKnowing what your partner enjoys can lead to a much deeper dialogue.â
âKnowing what your partner enjoys can lead to a much deeper dialogue.â
Does this kind of open erotic talk sound scarier than the Grinch himself? Donât let it be. âOnce you tap into your partnerâs pleasure, itâs surprisingly erotic,â Johnson says.
As Michaels puts it: âOutside of office parties, the holidays arenât always that sexy. Donât pressure yourself, donât compare yourself, and when you can, find what is satisfying to yourself in the moment that youâre in.â
Ultimately, it might just be the most selfless thing you can do. Why? Because a calmer and sex-satisfied you is likely going to lead to a happier everyone else this hectic season. And thatâs a gift that everyone can enjoy.